Sigh. I just went ahead and signed the contract for Coffeeville. Now is not the time to be unemployed. Plus now I know what to expect, and I have two months to prepare for it. So I guess that is what I will do.

I am going to spend the summer writing my book. Inspiration finally hit me, so here is hoping that everything stays flowing. I also saw that Ole Miss is offering a belly dancing class once a week, and I thought that might be something fun and I may get some rhthym out of it. Heehee.

What I really want is to go home and go out in the boat. I need some sun!

And I just noticed that my last post was for June 7 instead of May 7...I somehow reset my computer's calendar and I've been posting all kinds of stuff with the wrong date. Haha!

I applied for a full-time tutoring position at UM. I have given up almost completely at this point. I have busted my ass all year, for what? For the kids to constantly disrespect me, for the kids that I cheered for all year to stab me in the back, and for the administration to be two-faced? No thanks. I can't deal with that for another year. I know that I want to teach, but I am not going to teach there.

This week was National Teacher Appreciation Week. Know how I was shown appreciation? A daily announcement to not send kids to the office for disciplinary issues, a lecture explaining how I wasn't doing my job, quite a few rolled eyes, an implication that I was incompetent, talking behind my back, and power trip issues. I did not sign up for this, and I won't put myself through it again. And if I am worthy of such disdain, let me know.

My turn to roll my eyes. *rolleyes*

Have given up with the 6th grade. How can they identify adverb clauses if they can't identify verbs...? How can you expect to pass if you never pay attention...? Grrrr...

I cleaned my house and played Viva Pinata all weekend. It was nice. And now I feel like baking something.

Spoke with Mrs. Nicholson. She was surprised by my request, and wasn't sure what to say. I don't know if that is good or not. From how she worded her response, I know that she believes that I am good at teaching the 8th grade (sigh). I know that she thinks that I am good with the 9th grade. I wish I had asked her to clarify her statement, but I think she said that they had already considered giving the whole 9th grade to me for next year. And that is awesome! I doubt that I will get out of the 8th grade though. Oh well. It is only one year and at least I know where my trouble areas are now.

Mr. Austin, the ES principal, eats lunch with one of the ladies I ride with. The other day she told me that at lunch he said that he guesses the high school is going to take me next year since Ferrell is leaving, and that that is unfortunate because "she is such an excellent teacher." Thank you for the compliment, but, uh, no. She stuck up for me by letting him know that I would not be disappointed to leave the 6th grade. Please don't fight for me to stay over there! I don't like punching people, but I would be tempted.

I was on the list for a contract renewal! I am going to meet with Mrs. Nicholson as soon as I see her (she was in meetings today and I think for tomorrow, too) to ask for the upper grades. I hope she will say yes. If she does, I will stay. I think she will. She will! I just know it.

I am nervous. Tomorrow is the deadline for the school district to let us know whether or not they plan on offering a contract renewal. My fellow first year English teacher was not offered a new contract. I wasn't called into the office today. I am nervous. I can think of several reasons that I won't look good to the school board, but I can think of many reasons why they'd let me stay. I have never gotten a bad evaluation (aside from one pop-in the first week of school, but all the others have shown consistent improvement), and I get good feedback from my colleagues and administration. Even though it is mean, with the other English teacher gone, I feel free to ask if I can have the upper grades. I am willing to present my case as such: I am a better teacher with my 9th graders. I handle the material better, have better ideas, and have better results. My teaching style does not lend well to lower levels, which is why I think my 8th and 6th grade classes have been less effective.

Last nine weeks when my 8th graders did their novel unit, I finally felt like I was making an impact, like I was making them think. The administration told me they could see the students flourishing. Unfortunately, 8th grade is still learning grammar (learning - not review!). This is not a strength of mine, and for the life of me I cannot convey these ideas with the same effectiveness I found in the novel. I have realized many things throughout the year, but this one holds steady: I am a literature teacher. I can get the students thinking, writing, reading, investigating...without forcing it, without boring them, without discipline problems (and this is true - how many people did I write up last nine weeks? Maybe two.).

I hope they offer a contract renewal. I hope that I am not too timid to speak up when it is offered. I hope that I can admit to them that the contract renewal is for the Mrs. Toups who is a great teacher, and I cannot say that I am a great teacher where I am now. I hope that they will understand this. Oh, I hope a lot of things.

I almost walked out on Friday. Almost. I was in the midst of writing my resignation letter when I convinced myself that it was only another 35 days, and that those 35 days would cost me $4,000. Just tough it out. After two minutes with Mrs. Nicholson, I knew that she knows that it isn't me, and that I would make it through somehow. And as I was grading tests tonight, only 2 out of 45 students passed the phrases test. Two. I knew no one had been paying attention to me for the past two weeks. Grammar is just not as interesting as activities with books (I usually do a lot of hands-on stuff, but I haven't figured it out with this stuff). Plus the MCTII is coming up, and they have to know these phrases, plus how to combine sentences using them. I can't even get them to recognize a verb. Sigh. I might just find me an office job for next year until Mark and I move. My psyche is beginning to crack. On top of that, one of my 6th graders fell and hit his head during class and now has a concussion! Luckily his mom keeps in close contact with me (has my Yahoo messenger) and I was able to keep up with how he is doing. I just kept thinking that this is one of those situations where someone gets sued, but she understood that it wasn't anything I could have stopped (he leaned back in his chair and another kid grabbed the leg and yanked it). Whew.

On a better note, I had a great time shopping with Erin and Heather on Friday night, so it was a good end to the night. Plus I texted Erin after the writing up 18 people thing asking for rum and a gun. She brought me a tiny little bottle of Bacardi and a water pistol. It still makes me laugh. How awesome is that?

So I thought that having internet on my phone would distract me. But it has actually saved me time. Interesting...

Got docked 2 days pay for going over my given sick days. That's fun.

A week and a half in and I am already sick of teaching grammar.

Backless shoes are now my best friend...last post-op check is on Thursday. My frankenstein scar is awesome.

Dr. Williams did not take my stitches out. I was quite annoyed, but he is the doctor and I understand his reasoning. It just annoys me because as of my appointment to get them out next week, they'll have been in for a month. Geez. However, I can get them wet now, so I hopped (a.k.a. carefully pulled myself into) the shower to finally shave. This morning, after a teetery balancing act (I can steady myself with the foot, but not really step with it), I fell out of the shower. Okay, I slipped off of the side of the tub, but I landed on my bad foot. It hurt like hell, I cried a little, and considered calling in but realized that pain would go away and that I'd just have to deal. My 8th graders actually put me in a good mood today, along with my incredible 9th graders (they all wrote original monologues in the voice of a Romeo and Juliet character and then rewrote it into iambic pentameter with very little guidance), and the pain did go away. Until I got to the elementary school and tripped on a chair leg. Man, you never realize how clumsy you are until you are already injured...

And after all of that, I went to Walgreen's and bought myself a shower bench. I feel like quite an invalid, but it is better than falling out of the tub.

It snowed yesterday afternoon. Some of it is still around. That's amazing.

Turtle has been refusing to go outside if it is really cold (don't blame her), which results in morning surprises (always fun). Mark is getting so irritated with her and I wasn't sure what to do...so I bought her a coat. It is a little pink corduroy coat with little toggles on the back. She went outside in it and didn't stop and do that whole "I'm cold so I'm going to stand here and shake until you take me in" thing. Plus, it's really entertaining. She looks absolutely ridiculous, and I feel incredibly crazy having put her in it...it just makes me laugh the entire time we're out. I will put pictures on Facebook so you can laugh, too.

Finally off the crutches. Many shocked people at work today.
I get my stitches out on Thursday! Woot! First thing I'm going to do is take a shower. As a side note, I promise I've been bathing, but all I can think of is that line from Seinfeld that Kramer says...something about stewing in your own filth.
Saw Confessions of a Shopaholic tonight with Erin. It was absolutely hilarious, much more so than expected.

I called the nurse at Dr. William's office and told her that I couldn't walk in the boot because I couldn't get my balance, and I attributed it to the fact that my toes are hanging out. She asked if it was just a little bit, and I told her it was all of my toes fully hanging out over the side. Whenever I step, I just keep going and fall over. So I still have to use the crutches. She said that that didn't sound good, that I could switch it for the bigger one, but that it was heavier and it would swallow my leg. I don't care; I want to walk without toppling over.

And now I am hungry. I want pancakes. I think I'll make pancakes. Mark isn't here for some reason, and I want pancakes, so the decision is made. Pancakes. I wish I'd bought that griddle last week.

I stole this from Facebook, but I thought it would be fun. It is kind of hard. I imagine reading needs a lot of interpretation. =)
USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! Copy and change the
answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers.

1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your significant other? Mark
3. Your hair? Shampooed
4. Your mother? Awesome
5. Your father? Great
6. Your favorite? Lots
7. Your dream last night? Pinatas
8. Your favorite drink? Coke
9. Your dream/goal? Published
10. What room you are in? Only
11. Your hobby? Grading
12. Your fear? Failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? With-it
14. Where were you last night? McDonald's
15. Something that you aren't? Selfish
16. Muffins? Blueberry
17. Wish list item? Clothes
18. Where you grew up? Mississippi
19. Last thing you did? Shower
20. What are you wearing? Pajamas
21. Your TV? Constant
22. Your pets? Turtle
23. Friends? Wackos
24. Your life? Bliss
25. Your mood? Irritated
26. Missing someone? Mobility
27. Car? Finally
28. Something you're not wearing? Shoe
29. Your favorite store? online
30. Your favorite color? reds
33. When is the last time you laughed? Sunday
34. Last time you cried? Sunday
35. Who will resend this? What...
36. One place that I go to over and over? CHS
37. One person who emails me regularly? Facebook
38. My favorite place to eat? Home

6:45 in the morning in Grenada. Really? Really? I realize that I am already at work every weekday at 7:00, but still. I wonder if I get to pick a cast color, and if so, what? Hot pink was the obvious choice in 1st grade...I guess I will see tomorrow. Or, I'll wake up and there will be a big white cast on my foot, ready to get dirty and gross. We'll see. Cross your fingers I don't face plant with the crutches. I had the discussion with my mom that the only experience I have with crutches is using hers as stilts. I somehow doubt that would be conducive to the healing process...

Turtle has a slipped disk and about $50 worth of meds.

I lost my voice. Today in class was fun.

Read "Running With Scissors." It was hilariously disturbing.

Ugh. Sick all weekend. I hate that. I wish I could take tomorrow off, but I have to save my days for my surgery. Oh well. I've done it before and I'll do it again.

Turtle has been acting strange. Saturday when we got back from grocery shopping, she didn't jump up at us like she usually does. She was yelping everytime we touched her nose or her shoulders. We were really concerned, but it seems to be getting better. My hypothesis is that she climbed up on the counter, slipped, and fell on her face. Nothing appears to be broken; she is moving normally, but slower. I think she is just sore or something. Surely arthritis doesn't hit that suddenly. We are going to wait for a day more and see if it gets better still. I bet she did fall off of the counter.

My moma is trying to work it out so she can come take care of me after my surgery. She said so she could come "hang out" with me while Mark is at school. Whenever she gets that "I'm here to take care of you" thing going on, I could literally say, "Will you go get me a cheeseburger?" and she would drive across town to buy specifically the one I wanted and bring back the whole meal with drink and apple pie. She's so cool. Not because I can get her to do stuff for me, but because she just does it. She'll probably drive Mark nuts, because he gets that way, too. If it gets out of hand, I'll whack them with my crutches.

I am having foot surgery on February 11th (I have just remembered how much I hate the word "February"). This should be fun. Interesting at least. I hope I don't fall down the stairs at school (stop laughing, Erin, because I know you are thinking that I have probably done that already without the crutches...which would be correct so I suppose you can laugh).

I looked up the surgical procedure. It involves a bone saw. Ewwwwww.

I do not want to write lesson plans for the entire 9th grade when I only teach 8 of them. He is irritating the crap out of me. If it was a collaboration, whatever. But it is not. It is e-mails that say to send him the lesson plan so he can "see what I'm doing." Yeah right. Copy and paste, anyone? And I'm sorry that he is not forward-thinking enough to take home his teacher editions to do lesson plans for the upcoming semester, but I can't give him mine because I am 6 freakin' hours away. Grrrr. I am going to beg to be the only 9th grade teacher next year.

My grandmother had a stroke and is in the hospital in Pascagoula. For all of the things to happen to her, it had to be the thing that immobilized her. At least she was down here; apparently the hospital she was going to in Jackson hasn't recognized the past 5 smaller strokes she has had. She seems like herself still, just trapped somehow. Today she was asking for Dr. Pepper, fruit salad, and pecan pie (which she wanted to make).

She has always been my amazing, strong, and somewhat crazy great-Mamaw. I just never thought about anything like this happening to her. She might be thinking the same thing.